


Here We Go Again

by symposiac



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, Feelings, Guitars, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Ryan Bergara is in love, Self-Doubt, Singing, Song Lyrics, Songfic, only briefly implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symposiac/pseuds/symposiac
Summary: Ryan doesn’t know how to handle his feelings for his co-host.So he vents in the way he knows how.(OR: Ryan is frustrated with his feelings, so he sings about them. But shenanigans can ensue when you don’t pay attention.)
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Here We Go Again

**Author's Note:**

> hi uh, I’m Ghost. This is my first Buzzfeed: Unsolved fic, so i hope you enjoy. I’ve written multiple fanfics before, but this one is nearly all self indulgent, so I hope it’s still alright.
> 
> I wrote this while half asleep so I apologize in advance for any typos or misused words. Here we go.

Ryan took in a breath of the cold California air, sighing as he rested his hand on his palm.

He was currently sat outside of his home on his porch. His guitar sat next to him as if it were waiting for the man to pick it up and start playing it- which was what he had brought it out for, but he found himself prolonging the time in which he would finally pick it up. Ryan hadn’t played the instrument in a while. It started as a hobby he practiced at least every week, but as his schedule became more tight, he found himself forgetting the guitar that often sat in the corner of his bedroom. 

But, now he had more free time. ‘Finally.’ 

The guitar was one of his attempts at escaping reality, even if just for a few short minutes. When he was younger, he had found no interest in any hobbies (besides sports, but that didn’t always keep him occupied), so that meant Ryan was always bothering Mama Bergara. Mama Bergara, wanting at least a bit of peace and quiet, tried to get her boy into a little something. She tried art. He got the paint everywhere. She tried photography. He nearly broke the camera. She tried writing. He ended up doodling on the paper in boredom. Mama Bergara was lost on what to do, until she tried music. At first, it was a hassle and she almost gave up hope because there were so many instrument options, but she luckily settled on trying a guitar for her son. And just like that, Mama Bergara had some peace and quiet. Well- except for the occasional faint strumming of an out of tune guitar. But it could’ve been worse.

Ryan’s had the guitar as a hobby ever since then. So, he wanted to get back into habit before he lost his skill. 

Usually, he picked up the guitar and was already decided on what tune he wanted to play and what he wanted to sing, because he as well always cleared his mind before playing.

But his mind wouldn’t stop running wild recently. 

Shane. Shane. Shane. Shane.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Shane Madej. His smile. His laugh. His jokes. His personality. His subtle fidgets Ryan had picked up on. How he would act a specific way when focused. Everything. It was almost concerning, to be frank, how much the man was on Ryan’s mind. Ryan was glad it hadn’t effected his work progress. Thankfully, he could push the thoughts away long enough to get done with the work day, but they came flooding back in as soon as he came back home.

It was so frustrating. He didn’t want to have these feelings for his friend. He just wanted a normal friendship where one of them wasn’t hopelessly pining for the other. 

But here he was, doing exactly that.

And it was annoying. It was already terrifying difficult for him to come to terms with the fact that he was bisexual, but it was nearly ten times harder to accept that he found out because he was in love with his fucking co-host.

So, this predicament made clearing his mind to play the guitar not so easy. Sucking in a sharp breath, he leaned down and took the guitar out of it’s half zipped up case anyway. He squeezed his eyes shut. 

Shane. Shane. Shane. Shane. 

His mind provokingly chanted. The black haired man’s hand’s gripped the guitar tightly before biting his lip and opening his eyes again. 

‘Maybe.. singing about this would get it off my chest? Just a little bit, at least..’ He thought to himself. It was worth a shot. What did he have to lose?

He thought of songs he knew that matched his feelings. They didn’t have to match his exact thoughts- he just desperately needed to get this off of his chest. ‘Shane, what are you doing to me dude..?’

With a sigh, he decided on a song. He retrieved his pick from the case and situated his hands to strum the strings of the wooden instrument, proceeding to close his eyes. It took him a moment to start himself up.

“Here we go again.. 

I kinda wanna be more than friends.”

Feelings sucked. That’s what Ryan decided. They sucked really badly.

“So take it easy on me, 

I’m afraid you’re never satisfied..”

Shane was straight. Well, not to be heteronormative. It was just that Shane seemed so happy when he was dating Sara. Even though they broke up, he seemed so content with women. So Ryan just assumed.

*“Here we go again, 

we’re sick like animals- we play pretend. 

You’re just a cannibal and I’m afraid I won’t get out alive.. 

No, I won’t sleep tonight.”

The singing man shuffled his feet uncomfortably. He couldn’t help but feel guilty for feeling these things. Shane didn’t reciprocate the feelings, so what was the point in it all?

“Oh, oh! 

I want some more..

Oh, oh,

what are you waitin’ for?

Take a bite of my heart tonight,”

Shane would never love Ryan the way that Ryan loves him. That’s what Ryan thinks. That lanky dude loved him- but as a best friend. As a brother. Not as a partner, not the way Ryan wanted so much.

“Oh, oh-

I want some more.

Oh, oh,

what are you waiting for..?

what are you waiting for?

Say goodbye to my heart tonight..”

Ryan had to stop his hands from beginning to shake as he picked at the strings that made the melody for the song. He wanted Shane to love him.

“Here we are again.

I feel the chemicals kickin’ in,

it’s getting heavier,

I wanna run and hide.

I wanna run and hide..”

Ryan did want to do that. To run, go hide from the world. It sounded easier than being stuck like this. A shaky breath escaped from his lips as he continued the song. Don’t cry, Ryan Bergara.

“I do it every time-

You’re killing me now!”

He didn’t mean to sing that last part with so much feeling, as cheesy as it sounded, but he couldn’t help it. Shane was killing him. Ryan squeezed his eyes shut even further than they already were. Don’t. Cry.

“And I won’t be denied by you..

The animal inside of you.”

Ryan felt the water slowly well up in his eyes. He felt that this was such a dumb thing to cry over. A little schoolboy crush that he would probably get over eventually.

“Oh, oh,

I want some more.

Oh, oh,

What are you waitin' for?

Take a bite of my heart tonight..

Oh, oh-

I want some more

Oh, oh,

What are you waitin' for?

What are you waitin' for..?

Say goodbye to my heart tonight.”

He belted out the repeated verse to avoid the stronger feelings tugging on his heartstrings. He wanted Shane so much, it was unbearable.

“Hush, hush, the world is quiet.”

It didn’t feel quiet to Ryan.

“Hush, hush we both can't fight it..”

Was Shane even fighting it? The feelings? No, probably not.

“It's us that made this mess..”

No. It was me, Ryan Bergara, I made this mess.

“Why can't you understand?”

Ryan would wish that Shane just understood him, understood his feelings.

“Whoa, I won't sleep tonight.”

Ryan probably was not going to sleep tonight.

“I won’t sleep tonight..”

As there was a break in the lyrics, Ryan took a moment to try and tame his breathing. He opened his eyes, which were teary and blurred, so he couldn’t make out much around him, but he took deep breaths in and out. 

“Here we go again..”

Ryan let out a little sob. He wasn’t going to breakdown in tears, he just needed to let out a little sob. He needed to get this off of his chest. And with doing that came emotion. Not everything could be dandy. 

“Oh, oh,

I want some more.

Oh, oh,

What are you waitin' for..?

Take a bite of my heart tonight..

Oh, oh,

I want some more..

Oh, oh..  
What are you waitin' for?

What are you waitin' for..?

What are you waitin'-

Take a bite of my heart tonight..”

The song was nearly over. Ryan was blinking his tears away. Belting out his emotions had helped, even if just a little.

“Oh, oh..

I want some more..

Oh, oh..

What are you waitin' for?

What are you waitin' for..

Say goodbye to my heart tonight..”

Ryan strummed against the strings for a little more time before he let the tune of the strings fade into silence. He dropped the voice back into the case and stared at the guitar for moments, then continuing to put in into it’s case as well. He wiped his tear streaked face with his forearm. 

He groaned and chuckled at himself. He was letting his feelings get to him this much, huh? He finally took a moment to look around his lawn again- and he froze.

Shane was right there, at the beginning of where his lawn started. He was standing idly, staring at Ryan with an unreadable expression. His expression only changed when he realized Ryan finally noticed him there.

It made sense Ryan hadn’t noticed him. He wasn’t near him yet. The shorter man presumed that by standing a little distance away, Shane could get away with eavesdropping but not being caught. Of course, he was belting out in song in the middle of his neighborhood, so it wasn’t exactly hard to eavesdrop.

Then, it occurred to Ryan why was here. Shit- Ryan had forgotten. 

Being best friends, it was a normal thing for the two of them to randomly ask each other to hang out in the middle of the week. So, when Shane asked to come over to Ryan’s house earlier that work day, Ryan absentmindedly agreed and the interaction didn’t cross his mind again until now. So now he was left with feeling incredibly awkward.

Ryan noted Shane’s silence. At least Ryan hadn’t mentioned his name outright, so in case Shane would’ve taken it badly, he would’ve had a way to salvage it somehow. 

“Uh, so..” Shane began, chuckling faintly. His stare towards Ryan showed confusion, with a tinge of concern. He had been crying after all, so it was natural for him to be concerned. “What the hell was that about?”

Ryan stared back at him. Fuck. How was he gonna do this? Should he lie? He didn’t know.

“I forgot you were coming over.” Ryan said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck and averting his eyes. He laughed. “Er- Sorry for making a scene.. When did you get here?”

“Not long after you started singing.” Shane averted back to his unreadable expression. It was bothersome to the other male. Not that the expression gave off negative energy, but Ryan was used to identifying all of his best friend’s moods quite speedily, so not knowing was new to him. 

“Oh.” Ryan said bluntly. That didn’t make this any less difficult.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Shane said. He cocked a brow and took a few steps so that he was now actually at a proper distance from Ryan to have a conversation. “What was that about dude? I’ve never seen you.. like that. Are you okay, or..?”

It was clear Shane didn’t know how to word his sentences. I mean, Ryan knew Shane wasn’t everybody’s top person to go to when needing comfort- the boy tried though. So, it probably made this all the more awkward for Shane. Ah, Ryan had messed up, hadn’t he?

Ryan uncomfortably twitched and looked at Shane. Hows Ryan even go about telling the man? About how he’s been on Ryan’s mind 24/7? How Ryan might go crazy if Shane doesn’t stop intruding his thoughts? 

“Uhm, well, this sounds stupid but, I’ve been having a hard time, recently.” Ryan started cautiously. Shane’s gaze softened to less of confusion and more of the previous concern. 

“Why?” He prodded.

“Uh.. Well- Okay. I’ve been having some feelings, man. They’re hard to deal with, so I thought I’d sing about it. Silly, I know.” Ryan ended the reply with a chuckle, thought it fell flat as the other didn’t seem like he’d return the laughter. 

“If you don’t want to talk about it any more, I get it. But please know you can tell me dude. I’m here for you. I’m your best friend for a reason, little guy.” Shane assured him. Ryan bit his lip in return. How could he retain this information when Shane was being so gentle with his words? 

“Uh, okay. You see.. Um, shit. Sorry.” Ryan stumbled over his words, rubbing his eyes with his palms in frustration. Shane shook his head and kept his eyes on the man.

“Take your time. Remember, you don’t have to talk about this. I know shit can be hard to talk about. I’m hella confused on what I just witnessed and am not gonna lie, really wanna know what’s up with the whole guitar, and the really good fuckin’ singing, but I’m not gonna try and force it out of you.” Shane said with a little chuckle at the end and patted his shoulder, which Ryan could admit made a small smile tug at his lips.

That’s right. He never told Shane about his guitar, nor his singing. That’s probably adding on to the confusion.. There was so much happening in Ryan’s mind. Anxiety bubbled up in his stomach- What was he supposed to say when the person we was just crying over asked if he was alright? He could just say the song made him emotional for a different reason? That sounded like a weak explanation, Ryan thought with an inaudible sigh. You got yourself in this situation, Bergara. 

Ryan would say, what did he have to lose? But in truth, he had a lot to lose. A friendship, and a good show. If he confessed and Shane was weirded out, it’d probably make their friendship really tense. And it wouldn’t make for good content if they were always awkwardly chuckling while being reminded that one of them had a crush on the other. So yes, Ryan Bergara did have something(s) to lose. But, he don’t think his heart could take it if he wasted an opportunity to be honest with Shane.

Oh, fuck it. 

“I love you, Shane.” Ryan blurted. He regretted saying it immediately afterwards. Shane’s movements paused, words making the taller man blink a few times to process. 

“Huh?” Shane tilted his head ever so slightly. 

“I love you!” He said louder with a bitter sigh escaping his mouth afterwards.

“Wait, like a best friend way right? You love me like your best friend?” Shane chuckled nervously. Ryan sighed, but he couldn’t back out like this.

“No, Shane. I’m fuckin’ in love with you. It’s so frustrating, I’m always thinking about you.” Ryan said, mumbling. He didn’t dare look at Shane for his reaction. “I get it if that’s weird it whatever and you don’t wanna be friends anymore, I just don’t think I could move on without getting it off my chest. I thought it was just a little admiration or some bullshit and it was gonna pass, but the feeling’s still here and it’s pulling on my damn heartstrings, man. I’m sorry if this makes things weird-“

“Ryan.” Shane put a firm hand on the male’s shoulder. He had been trying to get the man’s attention since he began the rant. Ryan flinched at the contact out of surprise. He had been too enveloped in his rant to realize Shane was reaching for him. “Woah, calm down.”

“Calm down?” Ryan repeated with utter confusion. He expected Shane to be weirded out, and to say ‘Sorry, uh, I don’t really like you like that dude’, but Shane’s face showed no disgust or distaste. He still looked a bit worried, but there was a new feeling showing in his features. The taller male nodded.

“Calm down. You don’t need to explain yourself.” Shane said quietly, glancing from Ryan to the floor like he was pondering what his next words should be. 

“Why..?”

“Why what?”

“Why aren’t you weirded out? Not even a little bit? Are you pitying me or something? I don’t, I don’t get it, man-“

“Ryan you idiot, I like you too.” Shane chuckled with a shake of his head. Ryan stopped in his tracks. Out of all the crazy responses he would’ve anticipated, this was not one of them. The expression black haired male gave Shane almost made him chuckle again. Ryan almost broke.

“You’re serious?” Ryan said in disbelief. His eyes felt like they’d bulge out of his head at any given moment. 

“Yes, Ryan.” Shane said to confirm his previous claim. “I’ve been in love with you for so long. Like, almost since we started working together. So this better not be a joke, because if so, I swear to-“

“No, no-! It’s not, I’m just really, uh- surprised you like me back. Like, I’ve been beating up myself over this shit when I could’ve just stopped being a wimp and fessed up? Feeling kinda embarrassed right now.” Ryan sputtered. They both didn’t say anything for a good second and then started laughing.

The laughter died out after a bit though, and they were looking at each other. Shane was looking at the latter with an adoring smile which made Ryan become slightly flushed, which made Shane chuckle a little more. 

“Uh, so Shane-“

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?” Ryan asked in a hesitant but straightforward manner. Apparently, Shane wasn’t prepared to hear that because he replied with silence, but nodded soon after to approve. After he confirmed the others approval, he got onto his tiptoes and looked into the other’s eyes for a split second- then leaned in, making their lips touch.

It was like how they described it romance books. Just like when they describe sparks flying, the warmth, and how it feelings like everything just shifted into place. How they described that it felt meant to be.

The kiss lasted, but they eventually pulled away. Ryan took in a breath while Shane exhaled, both opening their eyes to look at each other. 

“So, Ryan,” Shane said. He had a smug look, just how he looked when he was about to do something stupid. “I kinda wanna be more than friends.”

“Did you just quote the song I was singing to ask me out?” 

Shane laughed loudly.

“Maybe I did.”

**Author's Note:**

> That was a cheesy ending and probably wasn’t even that funny but I digress, t’was my fanfic. I’m definitely going to attempt to make more. I mostly make Ryan whump, (sorry Shaniacs), so if you enjoy that kinda fic once and a while then I’ll be here. Anyways, kudos and comments are appreciated, good day ^^


End file.
